Naked Sailing
by nauyro
Summary: All the cloth on the Thousand Sunny is taken by a strange old man, leaving the crew naked. Now, being days, perhaps even weeks away from reaching land, sexual tensions mount amongst the Straw Hat pirates as they battle their carnal urges...! LuffyxNami
1. Chapter 1

Naked Sailing

xx

"WHO DID IT!?" a booming voice rang through the men's sleeping quarters.

Chopper jumped in fright at the rude awakening, falling out of his cot onto the floor where he was instantly squashed by Usopp, who fell from the cot above.

"OWWWWWWWWWWWW!" the sniper roared, having landed directly on one of Chopper's antlers, which pierced his pants and was now lodged up his bottom.

"YOHO!" Brooke sang as he awoke and spun out of bed, reflexively assuming the 'play dead' pose on the floor.

"Hm??? Hm??" Luffy mumbled, shooting up to a sitting position and drearily looking around for the source of the noise.

*Crash!*

Franky, more than startled at being torn from his pleasant dream by the ear shattering shout sat up with such speed that his steel plated head went completely through the wooden underside of the bunk above him, plowing into Zoro's back.

"GAH! What the hell!?" Zoro bellowed, jumping up on his mattress and reaching for his sword.

"WHO DID IT!?" the voice came again, this time accompanied by heavy footsteps as the shouter made her way into the room.

"Na-Nami-san…!?" Sanji exclaimed, leaning out of his bed to identify the disturbance.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Usopp thundered as he rose to his feet and grabbed his rear end, from which hung a screaming Chopper.

"UWAH! USOPP!" Sanji bellowed.

The orange haired girl reached the bunks and immediately slammed her fist into the hollering sniper's head, sending him plummeting to the floor.

"ANSWER!" she demanded, facing the rest of the men. "WHO TOOK THEM!?"

Nami stood barefoot before them, wearing nothing but a large t-shirt. She had a fierce glare on her face the likes of which they had never seen.

"What the hell's your problem!?" flared Zoro.

Nami grabbed Zoro's mattress, and, in an incredible display of strength, wrenched it out from underneath him.

"ZORO! WAS IT YOU!?" She thundered, tossing the mattress behind her.

Zoro backed up against the wall, bewildered.

"Nami-san, what's wrong!?" Sanji shouted.

"You seem to be rather perturbed!" exclaimed Brooke as he began to sit up. "Do you have a bone to pick with some one? YOHOH-"

Nami latched onto Brooke's afro and flung him skull first into Sanji's face.

"BROOKE! SANJI-KUN!" She seethed. "IT WAS ONE OF YOU TWO, WASN'T IT!?"

"What's going on!?" Franky hollered as he tried to dislodge his head from the frame of the bunk.

"Nami!" Luffy yelled. "What are you talking about!?"

Nami huffed for a few seconds, rapidly looking back and forth between the male members of her crew. Robin appeared in the doorway behind her. She was looking away with a mixed expression. She also had on nothing but a large t-shirt.

"WHO…" Nami began, leaning against a bunk for support as her muscles shook with anger. "…WHO…TOOK…OUR…CLOTHES…!?"

"EHHHHHHHHHH!?"

"W-What…!" gasped Sanji.

"Your…clothes!?" exclaimed Zoro.

Nami clenched her fists as she began to shake more violently. "Our shirts..." She hissed. "Our skirts…Our pants…Our bras…Our UNDERWEAR…! THEY'RE ALL GONE!"

Franky finally managed to pop his head out from the bed frame. "T-They're gone…!?" he questioned, spinning around to face her. "What do you mean they're gone!?"

"When we woke up, all of our dresser drawers were empty…" Robin said hesitantly, resting a hand over her arm.

"Not just that…" Nami said in an increasingly scary tone, "…The pervert who did this…TOOK OUR UNDERWEAR OFF US WHILE WE WERE SLEEPING!"

"Geh…!" Zoro remarked, cringing.

Franky gawked at them. "W-What kind of weirdo would…!?"

"T-Then…" said Sanji, an expression forming on his face that one who didn't know him well might mistake for a look of horror, "…c-could that mean…right now…! YOU'RE NOT WEARING ANY-"

Nami kicked the cook in his face, knocking him back against the wall.

"WHICH ONE OF YOU DID IT!?" she repeated, stomping her foot furiously. "AND WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THEM!?"

A short silence ensued as Zoro, Franky, and Brooke glanced around at their fellow male crew mates, Luffy frowned confusedly, Usopp writhed in pain on the floor, and Chopper fearfully looked up at Nami as he tried to disconnect himself from Usopp. At the same time, Sanji slowly sat up, wiping the blood away from his nose.

"I-I can't believe one of us would do something like that…!" Franky eventually exclaimed.

"Y-Yeah!" Chopper agreed from his discomposed position.

"No…" Zoro said markedly, eyeing Sanji with a menacingly calm expression. "…If we're looking for a guy with perverted interests, one definitely comes to my mind…"

Sanji quickly finished wiping the blood from his face and glared at Zoro for a moment before returning his gaze to Nami. "Don't even joke like that…!" He scoffed. "Nami-san, you're right. This is serious. Whatever sick bastard did this is going to pay…! Which one of you was it!? Name yourself!"

"I assure you, it was not me!" Brooke declared, standing up and placing his skeletal hand where his heart once resided. "Though I would be thrilled to see them if you ever so allowed, never would this gentleman do something so brutish as to seize a lady's panties!"

Nami squeezed her eyes shut and clenched her teeth as she fought the urge to attack someone again.

Luffy tilted his head to the side slightly.

"Nami, are you stupid?" he asked.

Nami instantly snapped her neck around. "LUFFY…!"

Luffy huffed. "Why would we want your clothes? We have our own clothes! And we're guys! Guys don't wear girls' clothes! Didn't you know that?"

"SHUT UP!" she barked, leaping over to him and smashing him over the head. As she leapt, the back end of her shirt rose up slightly, revealing enough of her backside to make Sanji and Brooke burst out, "OH!"

Nami stiffened up for an instant and stared at the ground, torn between anger and embarrassment. Another short silence ensued and a feeling of intense awkwardness began spreading through the room.

"…G-Get it out…" Usopp mumbled, weakly pushing down on Chopper's head as he lay dazed, immobilized by the blow.

"Um…" Robin said, gaining the attention of a few of them, "For now, could we get something to wear…?"

"Ah, of course!" Sanji exclaimed, jumping to his feet and running over to the dresser.

"This is so idiotic…" Nami muttered, rubbing her forehead.

"I don't get some people's tastes..." Zoro sighed as he climbed down from his bunk.

Franky hopped over to Chopper and unplugged him from Usopp.

"T-Thanks…" Chopper whispered, dizzily standing up. Usopp remained on the floor, barely conscious.

Luffy got up as well and rubbed his head where he'd been hit.

"EH." Came Sanji's voice.

Everyone turned to him.

"What is it?" Franky inquired.

"O-Oi…" Sanji said, looking at his crew mates as he pointed to the dresser drawers, all of which he had flung open for some reason.

The crew slowly gathered around him to see what he was talking about.

"Eh." Franky reiterated when he arrived.

"What the…!" Zoro hollered.

"Ah!" Luffy shouted. "They're gone!"

The dresser drawers were all empty.

"EHHHHHHH!?" shouted Zoro, Luffy, Nami, Chopper, Franky, and Brooke.

"O-Ours are gone too!" Franky yelled, placing his hands on his head.

"What the hell is this!?" Zoro bellowed, grimacing.

"This is quite strange!" remarked Brooke.

"Hold on! Hold on!" Sanji exclaimed, rapidly looking around the room. "This doesn't make any sense! None of us would do this!"

"That's right…!" Franky agreed, looking towards the door. "…Which could only mean someone else did this!"

"S-Someone else!?" Chopper hollered. "Someone else is on our ship!?"

"That would make the most sense…" Robin agreed, nodding. "…And whoever it was couldn't have gotten far away..."

"Then let's find them and end this nonsense!" Zoro huffed, racing out onto the deck.

Everyone except Usopp followed him out.

The sun was just rising over the horizon and a warm breeze was blowing across the ship. Above was a clear, blue sky, and below was a calm ocean, stretching out beyond view in every direction. After a quick order from Nami, the Straw Hats split up and headed in different directions across the deck.

"There's no land or ships in sight, so whoever did this has to be on board!" Nami exclaimed as she headed towards the ship's bow. "Find them!"

Less than a minute passed before Chopper's shout came. "I-I FOUND HIM! GUYS! THE DINING ROOM!"

Luffy, Sanji, Zoro, Franky, Brooke, Nami and Robin all bolted towards the dining room.

When they arrived, each of them nearly fell over at the strange sight that sat before them.

"Elephant, elephant. Yes, yes. So much work…Oh, it's hard to be old…" muttered an old man wearing thick rimmed, square glasses. He was sitting on the dinner table with a thread and needle, sewing a pattern into a piece of cloth. Underneath him, covering the table top was a large, patchwork quilt. The gray haired man seemed completely unaware that he was surrounded by eight people.

"…Old man, who are you!?" Luffy asked after a few moments.

The man glanced up at Luffy momentarily, squinting his eyes to see him, then he blinked and returned to his sewing. "The trunk, oh the trunk…What's an elephant without a trunk? Ho ho ho!"

"Who the hell are you!?" Sanji shouted.

The old man glanced up again, squinting his eyes at Sanji this time. His eyes widened slightly and he raised his hand to point at Sanji's eye brow.

"Oh, yes, yes!" he exclaimed, nodding. "Elephants do curl their trunks sometimes…"

He returned to sewing. Sanji's eye twitched and his face got red.

"I SAID WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!?" the cook repeated, stomping his foot.

The old man ignored him, continuing to sew while muttering, "The tusks too, oh yes, yes…"

"T-This is really strange…" said Franky.

"Hey, mister!" Nami shouted. "What are you doing on our ship!? And where are our clothes!?"

"Hmm, hmm…" the old man muttered, nodding his head. "Ho ho ho! Yes, and with that, it's finished!"

He held up the piece of cloth for the crew to see. It had an image of an elephant sewn into it.

"Good, yes?" he asked, apparently looking for their approval.

"Ah! That's pretty good!" Luffy exclaimed. "Old man, can you do a goliath beetle!?"

"Oi, oi!" Zoro yelled. "Old man, who are you and why are you on our ship!?"

"Hmm, hmm…" The old man mumbled, rubbing his chin. "A goliath beetle, you say? Let's see…"

The man lifted his right forearm up, and stared at it.

"W-What are you doing!?" exclaimed Franky. "Just who are you!?"

"I'm envisioning." the old man replied. "Before creating a new work, I must first decide what cloth to use…Hmm…Oh, yes! That's it!"

The old man's forearm suddenly turned blue.

"WAH!" Everyone exclaimed, jumping back in surprise.

A wrinkle formed in his skin, then a thin piece of blue fabric began peeling off his arm. He grabbed it and yanked it off. It was a square piece of cloth.

"What the hell are you!?" Sanji hollered. "Is that some kind of Devil's Fruit ability!?"

"Ho ho ho!" the old man laughed, setting the piece of cloth on the quilt he was sitting on. "That will be the background, so then for the pattern…"

The old man's forearm returned to its normal color, but this time a gray thread sprouted out of it. He pointed at the thread with his middle finger and a needle suddenly jutted out from his finger's tip. The thread then lengthened, protruding further from his arm where it looped through a small hole in the needle.

"W-What are y-" Franky began but was cut off by a loud tapping noise as the old man lowered his finger to the blue piece of cloth and began rapidly tapping it.

"He's sewing!" Nami gasped, noticing the gray thread being worked into the blue cloth.

The old man quickly moved his hand down the cloth as he weaved a pattern into it line by line. After a few seconds, the thread coming out of his arm clipped itself off and he lifted his hand from the cloth, the needle receding back into his finger tip. Sewn into the cloth was an image of a goliath beetle.

"WOW!" Luffy shouted, eyes gleaming. "THAT'S AMAZING!"

The old man mumbled something to himself, then picked up the two pieces of cloth and stuffed them in his mouth.

"Geh!" Nami exclaimed.

"Oh my!" interjected Brooke.

They all heard a loud gulping noise as he swallowed the fabric.

"He swallowed it!" Chopper hollered. "He's going to choke!"

"Ho ho ho!" The old man laughed again. "Two new pieces to add to my collection!"

The man's shirt suddenly sunk into his skin and vanished, exposing a large, muscular chest. The elephant pattern and the goliath beetle pattern appeared on his skin.

"J-Just what are you-!?" Franky shouted.

The man's pants and what the crew briefly noticed were his slippers sunk into his skin as well. The two patterns were then joined by hundreds more as the old man's entire body became covered with sewn images of animals.

Chopper fell over and yelled, "AHH! A MONSTER!"

"H-He looks like a rag doll…!" Sanji exclaimed, backing up.

"HE'S SO COOL!" Luffy announced.

Zoro reached for one of his swords and prepared to unsheathe it.

"Ah, but this won't do…No, no…" the old man rumbled, looking over his body with dissatisfaction. "I still haven't found the right cloth for the perfect patchwork…"

"…Could he have eaten a Devil's Fruit that made him a 'cloth man'…?" Nami theorized.

"Yes, yes…" the old man sighed, briefly looking up at Nami and then back at his patchwork skin. "The Maku Maku Fruit…With this body I can control cloth to my will and create the most beautiful designs with it…I've searched the oceans for sixty years, but I still haven't found the perfect cloth…"

The old man continued to sigh as his skin returned to normal.

"Could you explain what happened to our clothes?" Robin asked.

The old man nodded. "Oh, clothes, yes, thank you for those..."

The crew watched him silently in confusion for a few seconds longer before Luffy abruptly exclaimed, "EH!?"

The crew turned to see their captain staring down at his vest, the bottom half of which was rapidly vanishing.

"Eh!?" Nami repeated.

Two threads were drawn taut between Luffy's vest and the old man's finger tips, and they were being vacuumed into his fingers as the vest became unstitched, line by line. Within a few seconds, Luffy's vest disappeared entirely as the last of its threads were sucked into the old man's hands. His buttons fell to the ground.

"GAH!" Luffy boomed.

"Ehm…!" came Brooke's voice before the crew had time to react. The skeleton's shirt was disappearing in a similar fashion.

"AH!" hollered Sanji, noticing his coat being swiftly unstitched as well.

"He's taking our clothes!" Franky bellowed, pointing to the numerous threads connecting the old man's finger tips to the crew's clothing.

Zoro hastily unsheathed his sword and cut through a thread protruding from his haramaki. He lunged forward and tried to grab the old man.

"Hmm…!" the old man muttered as he shot up from the table and hung in the air from a thread connected to the ceiling.

"N-No!" Nami shrieked, covering her privates with her hands as her t-shirt vanished.

Franky gasped as his speedo left him. "Ah! My best pair!"

"Shit…!" Zoro cursed, grabbing his swords as his haramaki came off.

"Damn perverted old man…!" a shirtless Sanji thundered, leaping into the air and throwing a kick at him.

"Ho ho ho!" the man laughed, flying out of the way of Sanji's kick on a zip line of thread. He sped towards the doorway, grabbing the quilt he had been sitting on as he went and stuffing it in his mouth.

"NAMI!" came Usopp's voice as the now conscious sniper charged into the dining room. "HOW THE HELL WOULD YOU LIKE IT IF I WOKE YOU UP THAT WA-"

The old man sped past Usopp and at the same time engulfed his clothes.

"WAH!" Usopp hollered, falling over naked.

"He's getting away!" Sanji roared, chasing the old man out the door.

"And he's still taking our clothes!" Chopper exclaimed, staring at his shorts, which were being pulled apart by a thread stretching out the doorway.

Zoro swung his sword in front of him frantically as the threads of his pants and shirt continued to come apart. "Damn it!" he flared. "There's too many threads to cut…!"

The crew hurried out onto the deck and looked up to see the old man hanging between the two masts by a hammock he had just formed. Thousands of threads were protruding from his body and going into every doorway on the ship's deck.

"He's taking all the cloth from the ship!" Nami realized with horror.

Franky stumbled forward as the final thread of his shirt came off, but quickly recomposed himself and pointed upward. "He's taking apart the sails too!"

Multiple holes were forming on the sails as they too were assaulted by the strange man's ability.

"If he takes the sails, we'll be stranded!" Nami cried. "Stop him!"

Luffy, Zoro, and Franky all reacted together.

"GOMU GOMU NO PISTOL!"

"THIRTY SIX POUND CANNON!"

"WEAPONS LEFT!"

The man dodged the three attacks by sliding to the side on another one of his threaded zip lines. "Ho ho ho!"

"HURRY!" Nami cried again. "If he takes the sails apart any more they'll become useless!"

"GEAR SECOND!" Luffy thundered as he pumped up his legs, wasting no time. "JET PISTOL!"

Luffy's lightning fast fist blazed through the air and immediately came into contact with the unsuspecting man's face.

"BWAH!" the old man bellowed as he was knocked out of the sky, blood gushing out of his nose. He fell to the deck, his broken glasses landing beside him.

"H-He got him!" Chopper exclaimed.

The old man quickly stood up and hopped onto the railing of the ship.

"Oh my, oh my!" he said, sniffling as blood dripped from his nostrils. "What pain! Oh, what pain! But it was worth it! For I've finally found the perfect cloth!"

He held up a red ribbon for the crew to see.

"AH!" Luffy yelled, grabbing his hat, which was now missing its ribbon. "HE TOOK MY RIBBON!"

"What amazing cloth!" the old man exclaimed, inspecting the ribbon gleefully. "Such a fine fabric, and it's imbued with so much haki! I've never seen a finer piece of cloth!"

"Give it back!" Luffy shouted, annoyed, throwing another "Jet Pistol!" at the old man.

The old man flung his arms up in front of him and a black cloth formed between them, shielding his face. The moment Luffy's punch reached the cloth, his arm went limp.

"Ho ho ho!" The man laughed. "This is a special impact absorbing cloth I stole from the lab of one 'Doctor Vegapunk'! Attacks are useless against it! Now, I must be going!"

The old man jumped off the railing and a huge parasail burst out of his back. The sail was immediately picked up by the wind, lifting him up into the sky.

"HE'S GETTING AWAY!" Franky boomed.

"NO!" Nami shrieked. "We have to stop him! He took all our clothes!"

"Thank you for this fine ribbon!" the old man called down to them as he ascended. "With this, my life is complete!"

As the enormous parasail was drawn taut by the wind, it became apparent that it consisted of hundreds of separate sails all sewn together, each with their own skull and cross bone design.

"I-I've heard of this man!" Robin exclaimed as she covered her body with her hands. " 'The Sail Stealer'! He's an infamous pirate who steals the sails off of ships! His legend is over sixty years old!"

The Straw Hats, all of whom were now naked, watched in disbelief as the old man disappeared into the clouds with their clothing.

"He…He's gone…" Nami whispered, backing up against a wall.

"WHO WAS THAT!?" Usopp shouted as he stumbled out onto the deck, covering his groin with one hand and grabbing his aching bottom with the other.

"MY RIBBON!" Luffy cried, falling to his knees.

"OUR CLOTHES…!" Sanji bellowed, scouring the deck for any remaining trace of fabric.

Nami quickly stumbled into the women's quarters.

"T-The sails look like they're still in good enough shape…!" Franky announced as he hurriedly inspected them from the base of the mast. "But they have holes in them! They won't be able to pick up wind very well!"

"THAT STUPID OLD MAN!" Luffy yelled angrily.

"THE SHEETS TOO!" came Nami's voice as she stumbled back onto the deck. "The bed sheets and the mattresses are all gone!"

"UWOOOOOOOOOOH!" Sanji's voice echoed through the vessel as he finally noticed the naked Nami and Robin.

"YOHO! YOHOHO! YOHOHOHO!" Brooke exclaimed ecstatically as he noticed them as well, hopping into the air and clapping his feet together.

"W-WAH!" Usopp added, nearly falling on his face.

"IDIOTS!" Nami shouted. "THERE'S BIGGER THINGS TO BE CONCERNED WITH RIGHT NOW!"

"B-B-BIGGER!?" questioned an enraptured Sanji, blood gushing out of his nose. "I-IMPOSSIBLE! THERE'S NO WAY!"

"Y-YEAH!" Usopp agreed. "NO WAY!"

"I really am dead!" Brooke exclaimed, blissfully jumping up meters into the air. "Heaven! This must be heaven!"

"Wait…!" said Franky. "If that guy even took our bed sheets, that means we have nothing to cover ourselves with!"

"WHO CARES!?" Sanji exclaimed joyfully. "NAMI-SAN! ROBIN-CHAN!"

"YEAH! WHO CARES!?" Usopp agreed, his tongue hanging out of his mouth as he gazed at the nude females.

Robin hastily crossed her arms over her chest. "Seis Fleur."

Two hands popped out of Sanji's, Brooke's, and Usopp's heads, covering their eyes.

"AH! NO!" the three shouted together.

"I can't believe this!" Nami snapped, backing into her room and hiding behind the inside wall of the doorway. "Perverts! Do something about this!"

"My ribbon…!" Luffy whimpered, on his hands and knees. "It's gone…! That stupid old man! I don't like his stupid animal drawings anymore!"

"God, this is dumb…" Zoro muttered, slapping his head.

xx

The crew was gathered in the dining room. The men sat around the dinner table while Nami and Robin sat on stools behind the kitchen counter.

"So that old man had an ability that let him eat cloth…?" Usopp asked, rubbing his chin. "And he ate all the cloth on the ship?"

Sanji bit down on his cigarette, trying to keep from staring at Nami and Robin. "Y-Yeah…" he replied. "That freak took everything except the sails…"

Zoro sighed, resting his head in his hand. "So we have nothing to wear for now. It's not such a big deal, is it? Resisting the cold will be good training."

"…But…it seems like it's going to be a while before we reach an island…" Franky commented, leaning back in his chair while making no move to cover his exposed privates. "We were already a few days away from the next island, and with those holes in the sails our speed has been halved, at least. We might not reach land for a week or two…That's a long time to deal with the cold."

"The cold isn't the problem here!" Nami huffed. "This area of ocean is located between three summer islands, so it should remain relatively warm! The problem is…!"

"Yes…" Robin agreed. "The problem…is that there are women aboard this ship…"

Sanji pursed his lips and tried with all his might not to look in the direction of the two females, knowing that if he saw them he most likely wouldn't be able to avert his gaze. "Y-Y-Yeah." He said in an agreeing tone, sweat dripping down his face. "T-T-This is a s-s-serious issue...! T-This must be v-very hard on you two…!"

"What are you sweating for?" asked Zoro, grimacing.

Sanji bit his lip. "Shut your face, sea weed!" he snapped.

"Anyway, what are we supposed to do about this?" asked Usopp. "Luffy, you're the captain. Don't you have any ideas?"

Luffy, still depressed over losing his ribbon, sat draped over the table, unconcerned with his crew's predicament. "Hmmm…" he mumbled lazily.

Silence fell over the room as a familiar awkwardness returned.

"…What are we going to sleep on?" Chopper asked after a moment. "The sheets and mattresses are gone…"

"What are you talking about?" asked Zoro. "Men don't need beds. We can sleep on the floor."

"And what about us?" asked Nami.

Zoro tiredly eyed the two girls for a moment. "You're women aren't you?" he said with a sigh. "You can just sleep on each other."

"What do you know about women!?" Nami snapped.

Brooke, in his own way of being gentlemanly, was remaining quiet while staring intently at Nami and Robin.

"Well, if it's so warm out there," Franky said, putting his hands behind his head as he leaned back further in his chair, "we can all just sleep out on the grass."

"You expect us to all sleep together naked!?" Nami exclaimed. "You're all just being perverts! Franky, stop sitting like that! And Brooke, stop staring at us!"

"You know, Zoro's right." Franky said, remaining in his exposed position. "Being naked really isn't such a big problem. We only need clothes to keep us warm, and right now the weather's doing that for us."

"I don't really care about not wearing my shorts." Chopper stated, rubbing his hat. "I used to be naked all the time…"

"I don't need my clothes…" Luffy whined. "I just want my ribbon back…"

Robin reentered the conversation. "Keeping warm isn't the only reason people wear clothes…" she said hesitantly. "…Males and females cover themselves to keep their respective desires under control…"

"D-Desires…!" Sanji squeaked, his body stiffening at Robin's mention of the word.

Zoro yawned. "I don't know what 'desires' you're referring to, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't group me with that curly crotched voyeur." The swordsman proceeded to hold up his Wadou Ichimonji. "My only desires rest with this."

"What the HELL did you just say…!?" Sanji snarled, standing up and slamming his hands over the table as he glared across at Zoro.

"Geh." Zoro cringed, looking away from Sanji's gonads. "Aren't you ashamed as a man to be sitting there sweating and stroking yourself, just because some women are nearby?"

"WHO THE HELL IS STROKING HIMSELF!" Sanji exploded. "AND WHO THE HELL ARE YOU CALLING A VOYEUR!? At least I HAVE an interest in women and I don't spend all day romancing a sheath!"

"…Do you want to die…?" Zoro asked, grabbing the handle of his blade.

"Will you idiots stop it!" Nami shouted. "Luffy! You're supposed to be the captain! Do something about this!"

Luffy remained slouched over the table, replying only with a grumble.

"You all don't seem to be taking this very seriously…" Robin commented, a tone of worry in her voice.

Usopp crossed his arms over his chest. "Well, even if we think about it, there's nothing we can do." he said. "All the cloth on the ship is gone. We're obviously just going to have to deal with this."

"Just get used to it." Zoro said, not breaking from his glare with Sanji.

"How are we supposed to get used to this!" Nami exclaimed. "We're NAKED!"

Franky scratched his chin. "It doesn't bother me..."

"Of course it doesn't bother you!" Nami snapped. "You're a pervert!"

"A-Am I a pervert too…!?" asked Chopper, glancing down at his fur-covered nether regions.

"You're an animal." Usopp replied. "Animals can't be perverts."

"This is going to have bad results." Robin warned.

"Don't worry, Robin-chan." Sanji said as he tried to burn a hole in Zoro's head with his glare. "If there's anyone on this ship with bad intentions, you can count on me to protect you from them."

"So it's decided then!" Franky announced with a noticeable tone of satisfaction. "From now on, we'll be the "Exposed With the Pride of a Lion" pirates!"

" 'From now on'…?" Zoro questioned.

"Ah! That sounds cool!" exclaimed Luffy, forgetting his sadness as he shot up in his seat.

Chopper's eyes lit up. "Yeah! That sounds cool!" he mimicked. "The Pride of a Lion!"

"IT'S NOT COOL AT ALL!" Nami shouted. "WHAT IF SOME ONE SEES US LIKE THIS!?"

"If we run into another ship, that'll be a good thing." said Zoro, scratching his back. "We can take their clothes."

Luffy jumped to his feet, completely rejuvenated. "Sanji!" he shouted. "Our crew has a new name now! We need to celebrate! Cook all the meat on the ship!"

Sanji stood up with a sigh. "I guess I'll make breakfast now…Nami-san, Robin-chan, you two should eat. You'll feel better afterwards!"

"Ahhh…!" Nami whimpered, collapsing over the kitchen counter, exasperated.

xx

To Be Continued


	2. Chapter 2

xx

Chapter Two

xx

"Nnnnnnnaaaaaaami-san! Rooooooooooobin-chan!" Sanji called cheerfully as he knocked on the door of the women's quarters. "Breakfast is ready!"

A huge smile occupied the cook's face as he waited patiently to once again gaze upon his beloved female crew mates, the two having left the galley a half hour earlier when the crew meeting came to an end. When he received no reply, he added, "I made an especially extravagant fruit blend just for the two of you! It's waiting in the kitchen!"

"…Just leave it at the door." Came Nami's voice.

Sanji's smile faded slightly. "D-Don't say that…!" he argued encouragingly, a small bead of sweat appearing on his forehead. "P-Please, come join us! When you're sad, you should be around other people! We all want to see you!"

"Indeed~!" sang Brooke as the jolly skeleton speedily hopped up beside the cook, his violin in hand. "Let us escort you to your seats! I'll play you an uplifting melody along the way! "

Nami replied through the door again. "We're not coming out. Eat without us."

"N-Nami-san…!" Sanji choked, sweating more as his expression turned to one of stress. "You shouldn't take this so hard...! It doesn't matter if we're naked! We're all still nakama! W-We shouldn't let such a t-trifling matter come between us!"

"I could not agree more!" Brooke exclaimed as he shamelessly lowered his head to the door's porthole, peeking through it. "Even if you have no panties, my opinion of you has not changed in the lea-"

Brooke was cut off as Nami flung the door open, smashing the skeleton's head backwards and knocking him off his feet.

"GO AWAY." She ordered before slamming the door shut.

Silence immediately swept across the deck. For nearly a minute, Brooke lay on his back, unmoving, while Sanji stared at the door. A warm gust of wind passed by, blowing against their uncovered bodies.

At the end of the minute, Brooke rose to his feet and faced Sanji.

"…Might you have caught a glimpse as well…?" the skeleton inquired, a stream of blood flowing out of his empty nose socket.

"…I…I saw." Sanji replied, eyes wide, glaring at the door in shocked delight as blood gushed from his nostrils.

The dining room door opened and Usopp walked out onto the lower deck, rubbing his bottom. He looked around for a few seconds until he saw Sanji and Brooke.

"What are you guys doing…?" he asked, eyeing the two strangely.

"N-Nami-san…" Sanji muttered, a smile curling up his cheeks.

"I don't think they're going to come out." Usopp informed them. "You should hurry up and eat. Luffy will finish everything on the table soon if you don't."

"Ah, is that so?" Brooke asked, turning to Usopp. "In that case, I will etch this glorious memory into my brain and review it in my head as I brunch."

"I love my life." Sanji announced to no one in particular.

"Ah! Wait! I have no brain into which to etch!" Brooke remembered out loud. "SKULL JOKE! YOHOHOHO!"

Xxxxx

"We nweed tchu shelebrate!" Luffy shouted between mouthfuls as he stood with one foot on his chair and one on the table, engulfing the breakfast of meats and fruit.

"That's right!" Franky agreed, getting up on his chair as well and raising his mug into the air. "A toast! To the pirate crew that will soon shake the world with its SUPER show of bare, manly resolve!"

"CHEERS!" Luffy thundered, slamming his mug against Franky's and Chopper's, the reindeer having just morphed into his human form to join them on the table.

"Franky, now I'm a real man too, right!?" Chopper asked in a bellow as he brought his mug back and gulped it down.

"I-I'll say…!" Franky replied, gawking at the mammoth proportions of the human-beast's lower apparatus.

"Zoro! Why didn't you raise your mug!?" Luffy hollered, pointing with a slab of meat at the seated swordsman, who was busy stuffing his mouth with food. "This is an important celebration!"

"…What's so important about it…?" Zoro managed to utter between chews.

Luffy crammed the slab of meat into his mouth, then replied with, "Garb arrrh uhh dahger abar! Ur buhwum gruu pahridds!!"

Zoro wiped a wad of Luffy's flown spit from his face. "Being naked makes us great pirates?" he questioned, having become used enough to Luffy's garble talk to decipher most of it.

"Of course it does!" Franky shouted. "Haven't you ever heard the phrase, 'Beware the sailor who flaunts his fleshy saber'!?"

"I can't say that I have." Zoro replied as he stuffed another piece of fruit into his mouth.

Franky huffed, slamming his fists together. "It means that a man who has enough confidence in his own body to show it off is a man to be feared!"

Zoro eyed Franky as he continued to chew.

"…Well, I guess that makes sense in its own way…" he contended after a moment, swallowing his mouthful in a single gulp.

Usopp, Sanji and Brooke came in through the door.

"AH! Luffy! You ate my food!!" Usopp immediately barked, stomping over to his place at the table.

"Eh? Sanji, Brooke, what happened to your noses?" Luffy questioned as he sat down on the tabletop.

Sanji ignored Luffy and walked into the kitchen, humming to himself, while Brooke casually stepped up onto the table and took a seat next to Luffy.

"You've eaten most of the meat, so this piece is mine." Usopp said sternly, glaring up at Luffy as he grabbed a piece of steak from beside his distracted captain. "If you steal it while I'm eating you'll regret it! I'll inject tabasco sauce into your soap again!"

"Yo ho ho!" Brooke laughed, "Luffy-san, stealing food is quite ungentlemanly. When you take something of someone else's, you must only do it with the assurance that you will eventually return it!"

With great agility, the skeleton reached his lengthy arm across the table, snatched Usopp's steak off his plate, and tossed it into his own mouth.

"AHHHH! Brooke!" Usopp snapped, flinging the mug he had started to fill at the bony thief. "What the hell kind of gentleman are you!? That was the last steak!"

A gulping noise was heard as the steak vanished down the skeleton's non-existent throat.

"No need for alarm." He said reassuringly, followed by a burp. "I will return it to you in six to nine hours."

"I DON'T WANT IT THEN!" Usopp bellowed. "And where the hell does food go in you anyway!?"

"Yeah…Now that I can see your whole bony body that question's been bothering me too..." Franky mentioned, scratching his head. "That nosebleed is also a mystery…"

Chopper looked confusedly between Brooke and Sanji, who was gathering together the girls' fruit drinks and some meat he had hidden from Luffy onto a tray.

"Aren't you going to wipe that blood off your faces?" the doctor asked the two.

Brooke and Sanji replied at the same time.

"I wouldn't think of it!" exclaimed the skeleton.

"N-Never…!" declared the cook, his lips again curling into a big, catfish grin. "Nami-san's beautiful b-b….b-beautiful b-b-br-"

"Who would want to wipe off such a lovely memory!" Brooke exclaimed. "May this blood harden and stay with me 'til the end of my days! Although my days have long since ended! Yo ho ho ho!"

Franky finished the last of his food and leaned back in his chair. "You guys seem more perverted than usual today." he commented.

Usopp huffed and took a seat, scraping some remaining scraps of meat off of a platter onto his plate.

"Usopp, you shouldn't get so mad!" Chopper shouted in his best attempt at a manly voice, leaning back in his chair in a position similar to Franky's. "It's bad for your health!"

"Yeah," Franky agreed, grinning, "if you're a real pirate, you'll take your troubles with a laugh! That's how you live the SUPER exciting life of a man!"

Usopp rubbed his rear end once more and growled as he remembered the numerous embarrassing hardships he had gone through since waking up.

"I've had enough excitement…" He muttered.

Zoro glanced between Sanji, Brooke, and Usopp as he stuck a final piece of tangerine into his once again bulging cheeks. "…You guys get excited too easily…" he mumbled, preparing to once again swallow his mouthful in one gulp.

At that moment, the door slammed opened and Nami ran in. Her entire body was completely visible, since for some reason she wasn't bothering to cover herself. Zoro's eyes immediately bulged out of their sockets and he choked on his food.

"GET OUT ONTO THE DECK!" Nami screamed, a look of terror on her face. "A HUGE STORM IS COMING!"

"GWAHH!" Usopp hollered as he fell off his chair in agony, the combined shock of Nami's nudity and her forecast causing his newly formed hemorrhoid to burst.

Franky hopped out of his chair, knocking it over. "A storm!? I thought you said we wouldn't have to worry about the weather!"

"HURRY!" she screamed again, racing back out the door.

The ship suddenly lurched to the side and a heavy wind blew in through the door, knocking a few plates off the table.

"Oh my!" Brooke exclaimed, quickly wiping a new, thick stream of blood off his face. "It was clear out just a minute ago! Flash storms are the most dangerous kind! If one is coming this way, we are in great dan-AH! I wiped it off!"

"OKAY!" Luffy boomed, lunging off the table towards the door. "This is good! Now that we've become the best pirates, we need to beat this storm to prove it!"

"DAMN STRAIGHT!" Franky thundered as he reoriented himself from the ship's sudden tilt, stumbling forward. "We'll show that storm the manly power of the pantless pirates!"

Franky bolted out the door after Luffy, alongside Chopper. "The manly power!" the reindeer roared.

Brooke began to follow them out but stopped as he noticed his three collapsed crewmates. "Ah!" The skeleton shouted, placing his hands over his cheek bones. "Are you three all right!? A storm is coming, you know!?"

Zoro was sprawled across the floor, his face blue, clutching his throat as he gagged. The sniper was passed out in front of Zoro, his erupting posterior squirting blood onto the swordsman's face. Sanji was on his hands and knees, bleeding out his nose, the glasses he had been gathering in shards beside him.

"W-What a storm…" the cook muttered, grinning.

Outside, strong, warm gusts of wind were assaulting the ship. The sky, which had been clear in all directions only minutes before was now covered with dark clouds. Luffy, Franky and Chopper ran to the base of the main mast where Nami was standing with Robin. The navigator was gazing up at the sky with a fearful expression.

"We need to turn!" she announced as they approached. "Franky, handle the steering wheel and move the ship forty degrees starboard! Luffy, Chopper, man the sails!"

The three each gave a bellow of confirmation and headed to their respective positions. As they went, another powerful blast of wind hit the ship, causing it to lurch again. The three nearly fell over.

"We don't have much time!" Nami exclaimed as she and Robin held themselves steady on a railing. "There's a cyclone approaching! It's coming faster than any storm I've ever felt before…!"

"A cyclone, you say!?" Brooke hollered in fright as he reached the two. "A-Are you sure!?"

"Yes!" Nami shouted, looking between the ocean and the sky, her expression darkening further. "Hurry and help with the sails!"

"I-I understand!" the skeleton replied. He hopped onto the top of the mast in one giant leap.

Another powerful gust of wind rocked the ship as Franky began to turn it. "What a strong wind!" he bellowed, bracing himself as he held the wheel in place. "But it's no match for the pride of an Exposed Lion!"

Still holding the steering wheel, the cyborg jumped into the air and jutted his bottom out in one of his poses.

"Once we get past this storm, we'll be stronger than lions!" Luffy announced as he tugged down on the rope guiding the sail. "We'll be the Goliath Beetle Lions! The Goliath Beetle Lions With the Most Meat in the World!"

"D-Damn…! That's so manly!" Franky shouted, resisting the force of the rising waves with his massive muscles. "There's no doubt! This week's SUPER ME will be throbbing with pride!"

Chopper clenched his muscles and growled as a surge of adrenaline shot through him. "YEAH!" the reindeer bellowed, taking his arms off his rope and standing on the sail post with his legs spread apart. "I AM A MAN! I HAVE THE MOST MEAT!"

"This is all my fault…!" Nami said, biting her lip. "I should have noticed our course was changed an hour ago…! I was too distracted!"

"No one here would blame you for that…" Robin said comfortingly.

The sound of an immensely powerful wind came from off in the distance.

"I-It's coming!" Nami exclaimed.

A gargantuan wall of whirling air could be seen some ways off, approaching the Straw Hat's vessel at unnerving speed.

"N-Nami-san…!" Sanji called as he ran up to the two females. "I-Is there anything I can do?"

The cook was smiling slightly.

"…We might die…!" Nami gasped as she continued to gaze out.

"Ah, oh, I-I'm sorry to hear that…!" Sanji said, his smile not leaving him. "Ah! I-In that case, Nami-san…! And Robin-chan! W-We should make the m-most of the time we have left and…! I-I mean, s-since we're already naked…! T-The three of us-!!"

A ball of ice the size of a cannonball suddenly plummeted into the cook's head, knocking him out. He fell onto his back, still smiling.

"Eh!?" Nami exclaimed, looking up.

Robin quickly knelt down to check Sanji's pulse. "He's okay! But this is ice...!"

"Whoa!" Franky shouted over to them. "What the hell just happened!?"

*Crash!*

Another large ball of ice landed on the deck, denting it.

"IT'S ICE!" Luffy hollered.

"MANLY ICE!" Chopper roared.

'This must be because of the summer islands!' Nami thought to herself. 'They keep all the heat at sea level, so it's freezing in the sky…!'

Nami cried, "This is bad! It's about to hail!"

Another crash was heard as a third ball of ice hit the deck. Then another. And another. Within a few seconds, the Thousand Sunny was being bombarded by the oversized hail.

"Just ignore it for now!" Nami shouted as she and Robin backed up against the main mast for partial cover. "The cyclone is the bigger problem! Keep the ship going straight!"

"Leave it to me, naked lion sister!" Franky bellowed.

For the next few minutes, the hail continued to batter the ship as the cyclone got closer and closer. By a stroke of fate, the wind changed in their favor and began leading them at good speed out of the cyclone's path. A minute later, by a hair's breadth, they avoided it, Luffy and Chopper shouting poorly composed insults at it as it passed.

"W-We made it…!" Nami gasped in relief, leaning back against the mast. "But…Everyone, we're still in danger!"

"What do you mean!?" Franky shouted as a giant ball of ice landed on his head and shattered.

"Our course has been changed!" Nami began. "That old man…! When he put those holes in the sails it altered the ship's direction! It's only safe to travel in this area if you know the right course to take, so I plotted our course out from the start, but…now that we've been thrown off…We're in dangerous waters!"

Nami looked worriedly out over the ocean.

"We're approaching one of the most dangerous and mysterious places in the Grand Line!" she went on. "It's in the center of these three summer islands, where the magnetic fields of the islands collide...!"

"What!?" Luffy boomed, clenching his teeth. "Mysterious!? There's a mysterious place up ahead!?"

The Straw Hat captain hopped off the mast onto the lower deck and faced Nami.

"If there's a mysterious place up ahead, then it's an adventure!" he declared. "Since we've become the manliest pirates, we have to go there!"

"He's right!" Franky shouted from the helm. "As the manliest men of the sea, we can't turn down an adventure! We have to go! In the name of the Exposed Lions!!"

"That's not our name!" Nami snapped, covering her chest and nether regions with her hands as her sense of emergency was replaced with annoyance. "And we need to do everything we can _not_ to go there! No one has ever returned from that place alive!"

"Nami!" Luffy yelled angrily, putting one hand on his hip and pointing at her with the other. "You're a naked pirate too! Where's your pride!? You need to be more manly!"

Nami's face creased in anger. "I don't want to be naked!!" she fumed, stomping her foot. "And there's nothing good about being naked! It's perverted! Who put these stupid ideas in your head anyway!?"

"It's not stupid!" Luffy defended. "Franky knows more about not wearing clothes than any of us and he said real pirates don't wear clothes!"

"Franky is a pervert!" Nami argued. "Don't listen to him!"

Franky blushed at the compliment he thought he had just received, rubbing his head.

"Anyway, I've already decided! We're going!" Luffy announced, stretching his arm out to the steering wheel and shooting himself up.

"Oh! Up ahead!" Franky hollered, pointing out over the sea as Luffy joined him. "I see blue sky a ways up! And there's something big sticking up over the horizon!"

"OH! It looks like another cyclone!" Chopper bellowed. "LET'S FIGHT IT!"

Nami's eyes widened in terror as she ran up to the helm. "T-That's what I was talking about!" she exclaimed. "That's the center point of the three islands! Their magnetic fields interact there, causing a permanent, stationary hurricane! It's extremely dangerous!"

"A hurricane that stays in one place…!?" Brooke questioned as he and Robin approached the helm as well. "I-I've heard of this!"

"What do you mean?" asked Franky, blinking as another ball of ice shattered over his head.

The skeleton hopped to the side to avoid a ball himself. "It was a popular rumor amongst pirates and sailors fifty years ago!" he explained. "Somewhere in the Grand Line, there is a hurricane that never dissipates and never moves! The rumor says that if any sailor were to make it to the hurricane's eye, he would become world famous!"

"And no one has ever made it!" Nami shouted, turning to Luffy. "It's impossible! We have to go around it!"

Luffy's eyes were sparkling. "I've definitely decided now!" He shouted. "We're going there!"

"Idiot! Aren't you listening to me!?" Nami cried. "We'll die!"

Luffy batted a falling piece of ice into the water just before it landed on Nami's head, then he pointed towards the horizon. "Let's go!"

"No!" Nami hollered, attempting to take control of the steering wheel from Franky.

"Come one, give it up alre-!" Franky began, but was cut off as the ship lurched to the side again.

The lurch caused Nami to stumble into Franky.

"Auuuuuw!" let out the shocked cyborg as the navigator's breasts pushed up against his arm, quickly followed by an "OW!" as her fist plowed into his face.

Nami backed up and huffed, angrily covering her body with her hands again.

"…Fine…!" she exclaimed, turning on her heel and stomping towards the women's quarters. "Die if you want!"

"S-Super…!" Franky breathed, grasping his bleeding metal nose.

"…We seem to have upset Nami-san." Stated Brooke.

Luffy jumped onto the lion's head and faced Nami as she opened the door to her room. "Nami!" he shouted. "You just need to do this and you'll look forward to any adventure!"

The captain faced the sea, put his hands on his hips, and stood with his legs apart, grinning as the wind blew through his hair.

"See, like this!" he shouted again, looking over his shoulder. "Nami, come over here and do this!"

"AS IF!!" Nami snapped, slamming the door shut behind her.

"I-Is Nami all right!?" Chopper asked.

"Don't worry!" exclaimed Franky, who was feeling particularly happy all of a sudden. "Once she realizes the freedom of being exposed, she'll have no complaints!"

"You're standing." Robin said as she turned around and headed in after Nami.

"Hnn?" Franky questioned. He stared after Robin in confusion for a moment until her statement hit him and he glanced down, exclaimed "Wah!" and covered his stiff privates.

"Oh my! You seem to be having a BONE of a good time!" Brooke exclaimed, slapping his thighs in amusement. "I do wish I could still do that! Yo ho ho ho ho!"

A series of loud coughs resounded from the dining room where Zoro had finally managed to clear his throat. When the coughs subsided, they were followed by a series of shouts as the disgusted swordsman noticed what had been squirting blood onto his face.

Xx

Five hours later, the Straw Hat crew was under blue sky again, a short distance away from the giant hurricane. All nine crewmates stood at the helm.

"So if we make it to the center of this, we'll be world famous?" Zoro asked, resting a sword over his shoulder.

"Indeed." replied Brooke. "Or so the legend goes."

Nami stood with Robin a short distance from the men, her arms wrapped around her chest.

"We're _already_ world famous…!" she argued in her last attempt at persuading them. "There's no reason to do this!"

"That's right!" barked Usopp, clutching his buttocks. "What the hell is wrong with all of you!? That's a hurricane!! We're just going to sail right into it!?"

Luffy sat on the lion's head, grinning. "Of course we are!" he announced. "How else can we get through it?"

"We shouldn't be trying to get through it at all!!" yelled Usopp and Nami together.

"For a man, there's nowhere to go but forward!" declared Franky as he steered. "Nothing compares to the SUPER feeling of sailing into unknown waters, the wind whipping against your skin, unobstructed by such trivialities as fears or clothing! Truly, nothing beats sailing naked!"

The cyborg smiled from ear to ear and shot a glance at Nami and Robin, something he had found himself doing often over the past few hours. Sanji stood next to him, staring at Nami and Robin's reflection on the ocean's surface while rubbing the large bandaged lump on his head and smiling.

"…Well, I guess sailing naked _is_ great," Usopp contended, also stealing a glance at the two females, "but why does that mean we have to sail into a hurricane!?"

"BECAUSE IT MAKES US MEN!" Chopper thundered, raising his arms above him. "Right, Franky!?"

"That's right!"

"Ugh!" Nami growled.

Robin squinted her eyes slightly as she looked ahead a ways.

"There seems to be a ship up ahead…!" she abruptly announced, pointing to a black spot next to the base of the hurricane a ways off.

"What!?" gasped Nami.

Usopp put his goggles on to get a better look.

"S-She's right!" he exclaimed. "There's a ship over there! It looks like it's anchored near the hurricane and…there's a skull on the sails! It's a pirate ship!"

Her priorities immediately changing, Nami quickly ordered, "GO AFTER IT!"

"Huh? Why?" Franky questioned.

"JUST DO IT!"

"…Well, okay…" he agreed. "Since they're between us and the hurricane, it would be hard to avoid them anyway…"

"I guess we'll be getting our clothes soon." Zoro said with a yawn.


	3. Chapter 3

xx

Chapter Three

xx

It wasn't long before the anchored pirate ship noticed the Thousand Sunny. Like many sailors and pirates before them, this crew had headed to the Summer Island Cyclone with the intent of sailing into its eye and gaining world fame. Upon reaching it, however, their captain's nerve had given out. The man was currently in his quarters, having an inner dispute over whether to go forward or turn the ship around. He was in no mood for it when a crew member rushed in to give him news of an approaching rival ship.

"Wah!" Usopp hollered as a cannon ball exploded in the water a short distance from the Sunny. "They're firing at us!"

"No matter what you do, don't sink them!" Nami ordered. "We have to board that ship!"

Another cannonball hurtled towards them, this time on a direct course for impact. Luffy hopped into the air and repelled it with a "Gomu Gomu no Fuusen!"

"Everyone, get to the helm!" Nami shouted, running up next to Luffy at the lion's head. "We're going to jump onto that ship as soon as we get close enough!"

"…I'm against this, you know!" Franky huffed as he shot a cannon ball out of the sky with his gun arm. "We just became the Exposed Lions! If we start wearing clothes again so soon, what does that say about our dedication!?

"The only one of us _dedicated_ to being a pervert is you!" Nami snapped. "I've had more than enough of this! We're taking their clothes and putting an end to this stupidity right now!"

After ten minutes of the enemy pirates firing on the Thousand Sunny and the Straw Hats defending it, the two ships got close enough for their crews to see one another. From the enemy ship came the immediate shout,

"UWAH! THEY'RE NAKED!"

Nami clenched her teeth as she stood behind the lion's head, glaring ahead at the clothed pirates. The rest of the crew stood around her, Zoro, Luffy, and Franky blasting the incoming cannonballs away while Usopp steered the ship and Brooke, Sanji, and Chopper stood poised for battle. The cyborg, sniper, skeleton, and cook were regularly alternating their focus between the enemy ship and Nami, who was again forgetting to cover herself. Robin crossed her arms over her chest in preparation for battle, but watched the males of her crew with a bad premonition.

"None of them are wearing any clothes!" a pirate on the enemy ship hollered. "What the hell is wrong with them!?"

"Who the hell goes to battle naked!?" shouted another pirate.

"They must be perverts!"

"Damn perverted bastards!"

"Put some pants on, you bastards!"

"This is it…!" Nami exclaimed. "We're almost at jumping distance!"

Slanting his eyes, Zoro raised his sword and began to clear his mind.

The captain of the enemy ship stepped up to its helm. When he caught sight of the nude crew, he immediately stepped back in surprise.

"Wha…!?" he burst out.

His shock passed after a few seconds, quickly turning to rage.

"Those vermin!" he roared, pulling out a gun. "They're making fun of me!"

The enemy captain ran up to the rail of his ship and began firing at the Thousand Sunny while shouting.

"How dare you take light of me!" he bellowed. "You think I'm scared, don't you!? Just because I've been waiting at the rim of the cyclone for two days, you think I'm scared!"

"C-Captain, please calm yourself!" exclaimed one of his crew. "I-I don't think they're making fun of yo-"

"I'm not scared, damn it!" the pirate captain thundered as he pulled out another gun and began firing it along with the first. "I'm going to enter it eventually! I'm just being cautious! Cautious! Where the hell do you get off ridiculing a cautious man!? Am I so pathetic in your eyes that you won't even dress yourselves before me!"

"What's that guy yelling about?" Luffy asked, confused.

"Just ignore him!" Nami ordered. "We're in jumping distance now! Go!"

What happened next happened fast.

Franky, who had stared at Nami just a little too long before turning around, failed to sight an approaching cannonball, which sped past him and blew up on the deck. The explosion knocked Robin into the similarly distracted Brooke and Sanji, causing the three to tumble to the floor in a pile. Jarred at being torn from his view of Nami by the explosion, Usopp staggered sideways, accidentally spinning the steering wheel. The ship thus tottered and Nami fell onto her back behind Zoro, who, having been directing all his concentration into his katana in preparation for a "Thirty Six Pound Cannon," was more than startled to see Nami's lower privates reflected in it.

"BWAH!" the swordsman bellowed as his concentration broke and he released his flying sword strike into the Thousand Sunny's deck, slicing off half the helm and causing the anchor, part of the lion's head, and Luffy to plunge into the sea.

"Ahhhhh!" the Straw Hat captain hollered before hitting the water.

The Sunny lurched from side to side as it passed by the enemy ship. A few of the enemy pirates boarded the vessel, including the captain.

"Shit!" Zoro cursed as he recomposed himself and ran to the side of the boat, scanning the water for Luffy. "That was disgraceful…!"

Nami stood up and noticed the enemy pirates running towards them. "They boarded us! Hurry and get them!"

Robin was pinned to the ground between Brooke and Sanji, who had now completely lost their minds.

"YOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO!" Brooke boomed from beneath Robin as blood jetted out his nose socket. Robin's attempts to get up were hindered by Sanji, who lay on her back in a near coma of happiness, his legs and arms tangled around hers and Brooke's.

The shock of this sight had been more than enough to burst Usopp's hemorrhoid, forcing the painfully aroused sniper onto his stomach. Chopper ran over to help him.

"We've been boarded!" Robin shouted to Sanji as she struggled to get out from under him. "Sanji! You have to get up!"

"RO-RO-RO-RO-ROOOOOOOBIN-CHUWAAAAN~!" exclaimed Sanji, already deaf to words. The cook tightened his arms around Robin's nude chest, hugging her as blood gushed from his nose.

"Sa-Sanji!" Robin shouted again, trying to push herself up but failing.

Franky stared at the scene, his eyes glued in place. He couldn't look away, even when an enemy pirate reached him and broke a sword over his head.

"Uwah! What's this guy made of!?"

Nami yelled, "What are you all doing!? We're being attacked!"

Zoro raced forward and cut through a number of the oncoming pirates, knocking them off the ship. He ran for the railing.

"I'm going to get Luffy!" he announced, preparing to jump overboard. "Turn the ship around!"

"No! Wait!" Nami shouted. "I'll get him! Just take care of these pirates!"

Dozens more of the pirates jumped onto the Sunny as it finished passing their ship.

"…Fine!" Zoro agreed, turning around to face them while Nami dove overboard.

"Y-You bastards!" the enemy captain yelled, staring at Sanji, Robin, and Brooke. "You're even screwing each other! How far will you go to insult me!?"

"UWAAAAAAAAH!" bellowed a group of pirates running towards Zoro. "Die, pervert!"

Zoro sliced through them at lightning speed, the force from his slashes launching them all into the ocean.

"And what in the hell is this!" the enraged pirate captain roared further, turning to Usopp, who was again squirting blood out his rear as Chopper tried to help him onto his shoulder. "Are you saying I'm so pitiful I make you defecate blood!?"

"Damn that guy's loud…!" Zoro muttered, knocking another pirate into the sea.

"O-Oh!" Franky shouted as he snapped out of his daze, finally noticing his crew's situation. "T-This is bad!"

The cyborg faced an approaching pirate trio, puffed out his chest, then blew a burst of fire at them. "Fresh Fire!"

"Uwaah!" the pirates hollered as they caught on flame.

"Take that!" Franky bellowed, shooting his arms into the air as the burning men jumped off the side of the ship yelling. "Behold the power of the Exposed Lions!"

"That bastard! He exposing himself to us!" fumed another pirate, shooting at Franky.

"How long…" seethed the pirate captain, his face growing red with anger. "HOW LONG DO YOU INTEND ON MOCKING ME!?"

The captain began shooting in random directions, putting holes in the deck and doors of the ship. Meanwhile, Robin remained trapped. She had attempted to use her ability to get Sanji off her, but her arms were too tangled for her to make the necessary hand gesture, especially now that Brooke had joined Sanji in hugging her.

"Sanji, Brooke! You have to snap of it!" she exclaimed. "We could get shot at any moment!"

But the cook and skeleton were too far gone to hear her. Due to the circumstances of their upbringings and coinciding lives at sea, neither had ever bonded with a woman before. The suppressed, carnal urges they had built up over the years as a result were now causing them to lose themselves.

"A woman's skin!" Brooke hollered as he clung onto Robin, rubbing his skeletal hands over her back. "A woman's chest! A woman's…! YOHO!"

"MEEEEEELORIIIIIINE~!" Sanji cheered, nudging his cheek against Robin's neck and puckering his lips as he sniffed her hair.

"I-I can truly feel again!" Brooke cried, tears pouring out of his eye holes. "I am alive once more! YOHO~! YOHOHO!"

Steam shot out of Chopper's nose as the tense human-reindeer hauled Usopp to the medical room, punching an attacking pirate out of his way.

"GET OFF OUR SHIP!" he bellowed. "THIS IS A SHIP FOR TRUE MEN ONLY!"

Chopper tossed Usopp onto the medical room's bed then slammed the door closed.

"I AM A MAN!" he roared, turning to face the pirates and stamping his foot. "I HAVE THE MOST MEAT!"

"Uwah!" two approaching pirates yelled. "That monster-pervert's flashing us too! He showing off!"

"Y-You'd even make fun of my…!" the pirate captain yelled, ceasing fire as he turned to stare at Chopper. "W-What the hell's your problem!? Y-You've got no right to degrade me like this…! I'm captain of an entire crew! I've killed hundreds of men…!"

He started to cry, wiping his eyes with his gun hand.

"Captain!" shouted one of his crewmates. "Please, pull yourself together!"

"I'm not a coward…! Damn it!"

"Strong Right!" Franky shouted, firing his fist into a cluster of pirates.

"Wah!" he heard Nami's shout from below. "One of you…! Pull me up! I've got Luffy! Hurry!"

"Oh! Girly!" Franky exclaimed.

He hastily grabbed a lifeline off the railing and tossed it overboard. "Grab this! I'll yank you up!"

Nami grabbed the rope as she struggled to keep her energy-sapped captain above water. Panting, she tied the rope around her wrist and Luffy's arm. She had needed to swim fast in order to get Luffy to the ship before it drifted away, so she was nearly out of energy.

"Why didn't you turn the ship around!?" she yelled up. "What are you all doing up there!? You should have beaten them by now!"

"Ssssssuuuuper!" Franky bellowed as he gave the rope one powerful tug, wrenching Nami and Luffy out of the water and over the railing.

"Kyaa!" Nami yelped as she managed to land on her feet, stumbling to keep her balance. Luffy smashed into the deck beside her.

"Kill them all, damn it!" the enemy captain howled to his crew, most of whom were rushing at Zoro in waves and subsequently getting blown off into the sea. "These bastards…! I won't forgive them! I won't ever forgive them!"

The captain suddenly noticed Nami and gasped. "Y-Your taunting knows no bounds…!" he exclaimed, clenching his teeth and blushing furiously. "Y-You know about my bad luck with women, so you're goading me! You're saying, "This is what you'll never have," aren't you!? That's it, isn't it!? Damn you!"

Nami looked around her in dismay. None of what she was seeing made any sense. This didn't seem like her nakama at all. Chopper was shouting at the sky, Usopp was gone, Franky was staring at her and…

"ROBIN!" she shrieked as she saw her struggling friend being straddled and fondled by the two 'gentlemen' of the crew. "Brooke! Sanji-kun! What are you doing!"

She heard a loud crashing sound to her side and turned to see Franky, who had just been assaulted over the head by a metal bat. The cyborg didn't seem to notice this, however, since he was continuing to stare at her. Nami felt a rage start to bubble up.

"WAKE UP!" she demanded, slamming her knee into the cyborg's once again stiff privates.

"GWOAH!" Franky clamored, clutching his stones and dropping to the floor.

Suddenly, the enemy pirate captain ran into Nami, yelling "Arrrrrg!". Before she could react, he had grabbed her shoulders and buried his face in her cleavage.

"E-EH! W-WHA-!" Nami gasped, taking a second to realize what was happening. "Kyaaaaaa!"

"Damn it! Damn it!" the pirate captain flared, rubbing his face against her breasts. "What do you expect from me!? I'm just a man! What man doesn't get scared sometimes!? What man doesn't want the comfort of a woman!? Stop pulling at my tender heart strings!"

"Ahhhhh! AHHHHH!" Nami screamed, trying to push the strange, bearded man off of her. "HELP!"

Her crew was too preoccupied to notice; Sanji and Brooke were in a different plane of reality, Robin was caught in their reality, Usopp was unconscious, Chopper was asserting his manliness to the sky, Franky was doubled over in pain and Zoro was busy finishing off the last of his attackers. Unable to free herself from the man's grasp, Nami could only scream as he continued to delve into her chest while yelling, "Damn it! Damn it!" over and over again. Nor could she do anything to stop him when he reached around and grabbed one of her buttocks, squeezing it.

"No! Nooooo! HELP!" she hollered desperately.

The world started to become hazy.

'Why is this happening?' she thought between screams. 'Why is everyone acting like this? Where is all this idiocy coming from?'

"GUWAAAAAAAAAH!" came Luffy's sudden bellow as the Straw Hat captain, rejuvenated, bolted to his feet and shot his arms up. One of his fists collided into the enemy captain's stomach, blasting the man off Nami and into the air.

"GEHRGH!" the bearded pirate belched as his body rose, then fell over the side of the ship.

Luffy huffed, straightening out his hat. "That surprised me…! That stupid Zoro! He needs to look what he's…Huh? Who was that?"

"Hah…! Hah…!" Nami gasped, covering her chest.

At about the same moment, a cloud of people flew by overhead, blown away by Zoro's final attack.

"I think those were the last ones…!" Zoro called out as the defeated pirates splashed into the ocean.

"Oh! Already?" Luffy asked, then glanced at Chopper, who had stopped yelling and was now just staring at the sky with his arms up. "Eh? Chopper, what are you doing?"

"I…!" Nami breathed, a tear forming in her eye.

Zoro walked up next to Chopper and took a look at his face. "…He's passed out…" The swordsman announced, at the same time looking away at something else that caught his attention. "Huh? –GAH! What are you three doing!"

"Ooooooooo hoo hoo~!" Sanji was giggling in mad ecstasy as he continued to lay naked on the bare-bottomed Robin, squeezing her chest and nudging his nose against her neck.

"I can feel it!" Brooke joyfully exclaimed. "My Bone! I can feel it!"

Partly due to her unconditional love for her nakama and partly due to her shock at what was happening, Robin was finding herself at a loss for words.

"U-Um…" she muttered while again trying and failing to push herself up onto her hands.

Luffy saw the odd sight as well and frowned. "What are you guys-"

"I'VE HAD ENOUGH!" Nami suddenly screamed, hitting the rail of the ship with her fist. "STOP THIS NOW!"

She clenched her teeth and glared at Sanji and Brooke, resisting the urge to cry.

"Idiots! What do you think you're doing! Get off Robin!"

"AH…!" Luffy suddenly exclaimed, looking up. "Hey, Nami!"

"Shut up!" Nami ordered, rubbing her eye as a tear escaped it. "This is stopping now! We're turning around and taking those stupid pirates' clothes and then we're leav-"

*FWOOSH*

Nami was cut off as a tremendous wind suddenly collided with the ship, knocking her, Luffy, Zoro, and Chopper to the floor.

"Wah!"

The Sunny immediately began to move up and down at jogging speeds as it went over a series of giant waves.

"E-Eh!" Nami shouted, looking up. "AH! No! The hurricane!"

In their distraction, the Straw Hats had allowed themselves to drift further towards the cyclone and, to Nami's dismay, were now being sucked into it.

"The wheel!" Nami clamored, crawling as fast as she could towards the steering wheel as the ship's rocking got rougher and rougher.

She was too late. With a loud splash, the Thousand Sunny was lifted out of the water and into the air by the spinning winds.

"NOOOOOO!" Nami shrieked as the ship tilted. She fell back against the galley door.

Chopper collided into the wall next to her, waking up with a start. "AH! WHAT'S GOING ON!"

"Uwah!" Luffy bellowed, slinging his rubber arm around the mast to hold himself in place.

Zoro stabbed the deck with his sword and held onto it to keep his balance.

The ship wobbled in the air for a few seconds as it picked up speed. And then it was off.

"AHHHHHHHHH!" Luffy yelled as he was suddenly blasted with wind. He began to fly backwards, but was caught by his arm.

"D-Damn…!" Zoro exclaimed, gaping out over the side of the ship while struggling to keep his hold on his lodged sword. "We're rising!"

The ship rattled again and began to move faster as it flew through the air. The wind got louder.

"QUICK!" Nami shouted at the top of her lungs. "Luffy! Zoro! Do exactly as I tell you!"

"Huh!?" Zoro shouted back.

"Wah!" let out Luffy as he struggled to look at Nami while the wind beat him around like a flag.

"Zoro! Turn the steering wheel ninety degrees port! Luffy! Raise the main sail!"

"What the hell are you talking about!?" Zoro bellowed. "We're in the air! What good will-"

"DO IT!"

Though confused, the captain and swordsman followed their orders; Zoro used his sword like an ice pick and climbed his way up to the helm while Luffy stretched his unoccupied arm up to the sail rope. They turned the wheel and raised the sail at the same time. The ship immediately began to spin.

"GEH!" Luffy yelped as he was whipped around even faster.

Nami stared ahead of her in horror as she clasped the door handle along with Chopper, trying to stay in place. A minute passed, the wind getting stronger and stronger along the way, and then Nami screamed,

"Luffy! Lower the sail now!"

Luffy could barely hear her over the winds, but, with a "Waaaah!" he stretched his arm back up and pulled the sail down. The ship's path of travel suddenly changed, curving inward.

Nami squeezed her eyes shut. 'This is our only hope! With the ship's path changed, it might…!'

The Sunny began to dart inward and at the same time a number of strange, colorful gusts of wind hit it. The gusts formed a sphere of swirling air around the ship. Within seconds the powerful gusts tore each crew member from their respective holds, sucking them into the surrounding currents.

Zoro covered his face with his arms as he flew towards the crow's nest, but just before hitting it he was pulled into a current of wind surrounding it. He began spinning around the nest.

Chopper was vacuumed into another current of air, this one circling the main mast. "I-I AM A MAN!" he bellowed as he flew away.

Another wind current picked up Luffy and Nami and at first shot them into one another, causing a collision that, had Luffy not been made of rubber, would have likely killed one of them. They were then sucked up together into a ribbon of air circling the entire ship.

Franky, still clutching his groin in agony, was blown to the bow where he began jetting back and forth over the deck in a figure eight. "OW OW OW OW OW!"

And, still connected due to the skeleton and cook's unwillingness to let go, Brooke, Sanji and Robin flew around the whole ship in circles, Sanji continuing to exclaim, "Oooooooo hoo hoo~!"

Xx

Bright sunlight shined down on the Thousand Sunny as it drifted peacefully across still water. The Straw Hat crew lay scattered about the ship, some of them unconscious, some of them too exhausted to move. Those who were awake had no idea how much time had passed.

"Uh…Ugh…" Zoro muttered, slapping his head as he lay on the deck, squinting up at the sky.

Sanji and Brooke had finally been separated from Robin and were each lodged into something: Sanji was stuck in the main sail, while Brooke was stuck in a window in the crow's nest. Chopper lounged face down in the grass. Franky hung over the rail at the bow, puking into the water. Robin lay on the grass as well, a hand resting over her eyes. Luffy and Nami were near the lion's head, Nami lying on top of Luffy.

The door to the medical room creaked open and a pale faced Usopp slithered out on his stomach, wheezing. "Help…!". Ten syringes were sticking out of his bottom. He passed out after a few seconds, collapsing over the deck.

Zoro slowly rose to his feet and stumbled, grabbing the railing to keep himself steady. He was extremely dizzy.

"D-Damn…" he mumbled. "What the hell…happened…?"

The swordsman looked out over the still water and saw a giant wall of wind in the distance. He noticed they were surrounded by it. "This must be…the eye…?"

Slowly, a few other members of the crew got to their feet and steadied themselves. Robin forced herself up and leaned against a door. Chopper dizzily stood up, spitting out pieces of grass. Franky, having emptied the contents of his stomach, leaned against the rail, panting.

"W-Where are we…?" Chopper asked, looking around.

Robin wrapped her arms around herself and glanced around as well. "Is…this the eye of the hurricane…?" she questioned.

"The eye…?" Franky asked, stumbling over to the ship's center. "We're in the eye of that hurricane…!?"

"It seems that way..." Zoro stated, looking up. He squinted as the sunlight shined down on his face, then his eyes widened for a moment and he rubbed them. "That thing must have really shook me up…It looks like there're three suns…"

The other three conscious crewmates looked up as well. They all saw the same thing: three suns standing high in the sky, forming a triangle.

"What the…!" Franky exclaimed. "There ARE three suns!"

The four of them heard a moan resonate from the helm.

"Nami…!" Robin immediately shouted, racing over to the voice's source.

Franky looked towards Zoro. "How did we get here…!"

Zoro looked wearily between the distant inner walls of the hurricane and the triangle of suns. "…We got drawn into that cyclone. When we were getting thrown around in it, Nami told us to move the steering wheel and raise the sails...That must have somehow gotten us in here."

"So then…We really made it to the eye!" Franky gasped. "We…We did what no other men could do! It must be because of our Pride! The hurricane acknowledged the might of our pantless pride and let us through!"

Zoro ran his fingers through his hair and sighed. "How are we going to get out of this…?"

"E-Everyone…!" came Robin's sudden shout. "This is bad…!"

"Hnn!" Franky vociferated.

Zoro, Franky, and Chopper immediately rushed over to Robin, each of them stumbling along the way as they struggled to retain their balance.

"U-UWHOA!" Franky bellowed when he reached them.

xx

Nami slowly raised herself up, moaning as she wiped her soaked eyes with her forearm. Of all the Straw Hats, she had received the brunt of the gusts' assault. She had been slammed into Luffy, then whipped around the ship for what must have been hours. Hours and hours…

The drenched, naked navigator got to a sitting position and removed her arm from across her eyes. She squinted as she drearily took in her surroundings. Robin was next to her and had just shouted something…Franky, Zoro, and Chopper were running up to her…Franky shouted something...She didn't care what it was. In the past day she had been stripped, harassed, and violated…

"No…more…" she mumbled, at the same time glancing down and noticing Luffy.

The captain was wide awake, staring at her with his jaw dropped. Nami glanced down further and noticed she was sitting on his crotch.

"…Oh…" she breathed, still not fully awake. A drop from her soaked hair fell onto Luffy.

"Na…! Nami!" she heard Luffy shout in a strange tone. At the same moment, she felt something stiff poking her in her…

"Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!" she abruptly shrieked, slamming her hand into Luffy's face and rolling off him as she grasped reality.

"W-WOW!" Franky remarked, gaping at them.

Nami quickly retreated on her hands until her back hit the railing. She stared at Luffy in horror as her memory of their time in the air together rushed back to her. She had latched onto him the whole time they were being whipped around the ship. When the winds began to pull them apart, she panicked and clutched onto him in any way she could…She was sure her breasts and…inner thighs had been pushed up against his face more than once, and she was pretty sure that more than once she had wound up touching and grabbing his…

"Why…" she muttered, slumping against the rail and blushing a bright red as humiliation took her over, "Why is this happening to me…?"

"Gh-!" Luffy vocalized between clenched teeth while he continued to stare at Nami, sweating. An immensely powerful emotion was welling up inside of him and he was struggling to decide what to make of it.

"…Luffy, can you stand?" Zoro questioned.

Luffy didn't respond.

"What's wrong?" asked Chopper, glancing between Luffy and Nami.

Robin looked down at the deck floor nervously. "There was always a risk of this happening...Males will inevitably start to act differently around females in a situation like this…Not even Luffy is exempt from that… "

"What do you mean?" Franky asked skeptically, eyeing Robin. "Luffy's definitely not the pervert type, if that what you're saying. He has other strong characteristics to make up for his lack of perversions."

"I might have agreed with you a few minutes ago, but now…"

Franky stomped his foot in confusion. "I don't see what you're talking about! He just looks SUPER surprised to me!"

Robin sighed slightly. "When I arrived, he was stroking Nami's hair."

"WHAT!?"

Chopper suddenly pointed out over the sea and shouted, "Hey! What's that over there!?"

The crew turned to see a large spot of bright, sparkling lights hovering over the water in the distance. The ship, and all the water in the area seemed to be slowly spiraling inward towards it.

"Whoa!" Franky exclaimed, leaning forward on the railing. "What _is_ that!? It's just hovering there!"

"A mirage…?" theorized Zoro.

"Those lights, and those three suns and everything else in this area likely has to do with the strange weather conditions." Robin stated, turning to Nami. "Our navigator is the most likely one to be able to explain these things. Nami, are you-"

"Gh-!" Luffy suddenly mumbled again, gaining everyone's attention. He began to rise to his feet, frowning as he glanced between Nami and the deck.

Chopper staggered over to help him. "Luffy! Are you all right?"

"Yeah…" Luffy muttered in reply, finally looking away from Nami and at his crew mates, his frown deepening even more. "Hmmm…"

"What is it?" asked Franky, Zoro, and Chopper together.

Luffy slowly crossed his arms over his chest and looked down.

Xx

Sexual urges had never affected Luffy much. He did get them occasionally, but they weren't strong enough to make him do anything he wouldn't normally do. Adventures, meat, and goliath beetles had always been much higher on his list of interests. Whether he was surrounded by beautiful women, embraced by one, or even exposed to by the most beautiful woman in the world, he had always remained unfazed. He had a natural ability to keep his wits about him (however poor those wits were) in situations where most men would be overcome by lust. His self control was truly befitting of a man who would one day conquer the Grand Line. And it was a testament to this incredible self control of his that it took something this extreme to finally shake him.

"I've been thinking weird things." The Straw Hat captain announced to his crew. "And when I was asleep a little while ago, I had weird dreams."

"What do you mean?" asked Zoro.

"Nami." Luffy answered.

"Huh?"

Luffy took a breath, then started speaking really fast. "When I woke up a while ago, I was really hungry so I started to get up but then I saw Nami was sleeping on me and I didn't feel like getting up anymore. And then I saw this cloud in the sky that looked like a giant pig and I started to get hungry again, but then I looked at Nami and I thought, "This is better than roast pig." And then I saw those mystery lights over there and I started to want to go explore them, but then Nami moved around on me and I got a weird feeling and I thought, "I'd rather explore this mystery."

The men stared at him.

"Then the dreams!" He went on. "In the first dream, I gave Nami the biggest, tastiest Sea King in the whole world and I let her eat the whole thing! I didn't even have any of it myself! And then I had another dream where I went on an adventure with Nami on an island of meat and we fought takoyaki monsters who shot lasers and after we beat them we cried because they were too rotten to eat and then I had this dream that Nami and me were both really old and we had just come back from an adventure and there was this goliath beetle flying around the place who looked like me when I was a kid except he had orange hair and he called me grandpa and-"

"Hey, hey, hold on!" Franky shouted, putting his hands up in front of him. "Do you understand what you're saying!?"

"And do you really think you should be saying it?" asked Zoro. "It's still a while before we reach the end of the Grand Line. Don't you think now isn't the time for this kind of thing?"

Nami had lifted her head now and was staring at Luffy.

Luffy continued to frown in confusion. "What are you talking about?"

"Well…Eh, from what you've just said it seems pretty obvious you're in love with her." Franky stated, scratching his head.

Luffy's frown disappeared. "Oh, so it is love. I had thought of that but I wasn't sure. But I don't think I have time for something like that…"

"Ehm…Did you hear your own words?" Franky questioned. "You sounded like you wanted to marry her and grow old together."

"EHHHHHHH!?" Luffy immediately boomed. "Marry Nami!? I want to do that!?"

Franky blinked a few times as he continued to stare in wonder at his distraught captain. Luffy's shock seemed to disappear after a few moments.

"…So I want to marry Nami." He stated in realization, pounding his fist over his palm. "…I'm pretty brave."

He faced downward for a moment in thought, then nodded with a "Hmm." and walked over to where Nami sat. He sat down in front of her cross-legged.

"Okay, it makes sense now." He announced to the navigator as she continued to stare at him. "I'm definitely in love with you. Nami, do you want to get married?"


	4. Chapter 4

xx

Chapter Four

xx

Light waves splashed against the wooden frame of the Thousand Sunny as it continued to spiral inward toward the sparkling lights. The sounds of gusting wind from the surrounding hurricane could be heard off in the distance. The six awake members of the Straw Hat crew were gathered at the front of the ship, focused on their current predicament. Unbeknownst to them, a great event was about to take place, one that would shake the entire world…

xx

"IDIOT!" Nami's roar echoed through the ship, immediately followed by a loud *thump!* as Luffy's head collided with the deck.

"GAH!" Luffy hollered, clasping his scalp in pain.

"What do you mean, MARRY you!? What kind of stupidity is this!? How can this even get any stupider!?"

Nami huffed again and again as she stood over Luffy, furiously clenching her fists. She quickly glared around at Zoro, Franky, and Chopper, the three of whom were still taking the scene in with minor shock.

She seethed, "All of you men…! Running around with your pants off, acting like horny dogs…!"

"H-Hey, you don't have any pants on either!" Franky was quick to point out, instantly earning him his own fist in the face, which sent him flying back into the railing.

"You're all going to regret this day…!" Nami seethed further as her face took on a dark expression. "Doing this to Robin and me…! Getting us into this situation…!!"

Zoro frowned, feeling indignant. "How was it that _we_ caused this situation? From what I saw, we only got sucked into that hurricane because you were too busy flirting with that hairy pirate and shouting at us to see it coming. As the navigator, wasn't that your job?"

Nami's anger began to erupt inside her, and just as she was about to strike Zoro down, Luffy yelled,

"Wait! Nami! You didn't answer my question!"

Luffy rubbed his head as he stood up, staring at Nami questioningly. Nami snapped around to face him.

"What…are…you…TALKING ABOUT!?" she thundered as her body shook in anger, ready to explode.

"…Like I just said," Luffy continued, bewildered by her rage, "I love you. Do you want to get married?"

"Wha…!" Nami fumed, glaring at Luffy with a mixed expression, but feeling her rage quickly start to dissipate, "…What are you saying!"

A few seconds passed in silence while Luffy stared at Nami earnestly. Nami's breath caught in her throat after a moment and her tensed muscles suddenly relaxed of their own accord. She took a step back in surprise, but continued to return Luffy's stare, her eyes widening.

"…Do…Do you even understand what you're saying!?" she let out.

Luffy smiled but maintained his confused look.

"Yeah!"

Nami's face turned a brighter shade of red, but it wasn't clear if it was out of embarrassment or anger.

She continued to frown as she spoke. "…What-…Where…Where did this come from…!? Are you thinking clearly!? Aren't you just horny!?"

"Horny?" Luffy reiterated, tilting his head to the side as he searched his vocabulary for the vaguely familiar word.

"…Oh. No, I was a little while ago, but I'm not horny anymore." He concluded after a moment, at the same time pointing at Franky and Zoro. "If I was horny, I'd look like them down there."

At Luffy's comment, Franky lifted himself up from the rail and looked down; Zoro did as well.

"Ah!"

"Shit!"

The cyborg and swordsman each swiped a hand down to cover their saluting members and whipped around to face the sea. As Franky voiced some excuse involving cola and Zoro shouted a curse and how he needed more training, Nami said,

"You're…serious!?"

"Of course. I'm always serious!" Luffy reminded her with a big grin.

Robin and Chopper both stood nervously as they watched the scene unfold and waited through another uncomfortable silence. Chopper didn't fully understand the situation, but he could feel the tension in the air. Nami continued after another moment.

"…H-How can we get married!?" she exclaimed, "We're in the middle of our adventure! I thought you wanted to find One Piece! We don't have time for something like that!!"

"Ah! I didn't mean now. I meant later!"

"Then why are you saying this _now_!?"

Nami smacked her hands over her face, covering her eyes, and made a mixture between a whimper and a growl.

She whined, "I can't take this…! Everyone's being an idiot and there's no clothes and we've gotten trapped in this horrible hurricane…!"

She dropped her hands from her face, shot a quick glare at her male crew mates, then stomped towards the steering wheel.

"THAT'S IT!" she announced angrily over her shoulder as she grabbed the wheel. "You've all lost your speaking privileges! Until I say it's okay to talk again you're all going to shut up! I'm not taking any more of this humili--!"

"AH! Nami!" Luffy interrupted, pointing at something.

"Be quiet!" Nami ordered, spinning back around to face the front then gasping and covering her face with her arms as she was blinded by sparkling lights. The ship had finally reached the lights at the cyclone's center.

"O-Oh!" Franky shouted. "We've reached those lights! Surely something SUPER is gonna happen now!"

The sphere of lights lit up, momentarily blinding the crew. Nami hollered and covered her eyes. After a few seconds the brightness died down and the crew was able to look back at it. Each sparkling light in the sphere now showed a part of Nami, like reflections on broken mirror fragments. The sparkling fragments rotated around the sphere's center, where Nami stood.

"W-What just happened!?" bellowed Chopper.

Zoro shielded his eyes with a hand and squinted as he tried to get a better look at the phenomenon. After a second, he noticed something strange and glanced up.

"GEH!"

"Wow! It's really bright!" Luffy shouted, looking upward to avoid the light. "-AHHH!"

"Oh no!" Robin gasped as she saw the sky as well.

Franky followed their gaze. "-S-SUPER…!"

Nami stumbled out of the sphere of lights, which was now staying in one place at the helm as the ship rotated around it.

"What…" she muttered, rubbing her eyes. Her eyesight returned after a few seconds. She saw that everyone was staring upward. She looked up as well.

"Wait! Nami!" Robin shouted, hoping to stop her in time. "Don't look…!"

"…Eh…" Nami breathed, her mouth slowly opening and her eyes slowly widening.

Luffy, Zoro, Franky, and Chopper all rapidly turned to her and gaped.

Nami's body twitched as a shiver struck her and the realization of what she was seeing hit her.

"E-Eh…!" she squeaked, blushing like a little girl.

Above them, high, high up in the sky, stretching out from horizon to horizon, was a huge projection of Nami's unclothed figure, rotating and sparkling.

xx

"U-Ugh…" Sanji grumbled as he awoke, the shouts of his crew mates tearing him away from his pleasant dream. As he opened his eyes, he felt an uncomfortable pain in his stomach, and so sought to steady himself by sitting upright. Before he could regain enough wit to realize where he was, however, the cook found himself falling through the air after slipping out of the hole in the sail he had been plunged into. He hit the grassy deck with a thud.

"AGH!"

His landing was immediately followed by Brooke's, who had made the same error as he awoke and fell from his lodge in the crow's nest's window. He landed with a "YOHO!" and a quieter thump, shards of glass falling beside him.

"Brooke!?" Sanji exclaimed as he clutched his rear.

Brooke shook his skull to steady himself, then quickly stood up and looked around.

"Hm?? Oh?? Where are we now?"

Sanji stood up as well and hastily took in his surroundings.

"Is this…the inside of that cyclone!?"

Brooke scratched his bony chin.

"Strange. I can't seem to recall how we got here…The last thing I remember, we were approaching a ship of pirates, and then I must have dozed off because I had the most lovely dream. Robin-san was in it and I believe you were in it too…"

"AH!" Sanji exploded, grabbing his head and clenching his teeth. "ROBIN-CHAN! WE…!"

The cook bolted towards the main mast and slammed his head into it, spattering blood out over the grass.

"WHAT HAVE I DONE!?" he roared, smashing his head against the mast again and again. "Robin-chan! Robin-chan, I…! I DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE!"

"Ehhhhhhhhh!?" Brooke hollered, "I thought that was a dream! Are you saying I actually did such an ungentlemanly thing to Robin-san!?"

"GYAAAAAAA!" Sanji bellowed, dropping to the grass and sticking his face in the soil. He began eating the dirt.

"I shall atone for this crime with my life!" Brooke announced, pulling out his sword and impaling his ribs with it. "Ah! Curse me! I'm already dead!"

"GERGH! UWAAAAAA!"

"Curse me! Curse my foul, heartless existence!"

After a few minutes spent shouting and injuring themselves, the skeleton and cook regained enough of their senses to think clearly. They stood next to each other, their backs against a wall.

"We've…done something abominable." Sanji said, glaring at the ground. "Robin-chan will probably never forgive us for this."

"Indeed…" Brooke agreed. "We have truly committed a horrible crime against the title of 'gentleman'. I hereby denounce myself as one!"

"Even if we spent the rest of our lives making it up to her, that wouldn't be enough…!" Sanji snarled, continuing to glower at the ground.

Brooke nodded. "Quite true. If I could take my life now I would!"

Sanji nodded as well and looked up at Brooke with a grave expression. "Right, Brooke, that's where I have an idea...Since you've eaten a Devil's Fruit, all we'd have to do to kill you is drop you in the ocean. We can do that, and then in order to make our amends to Robin-chan, I'll present her with your corpse and my lifelong services as her servant."

"…I…I see…" said Brooke.

Sanji nodded again and took a step forward. "Anyway, before that, we both need to apologize to her. We need to convince her and show her that we're truly remorseful. Never again will we look at a female with lust."

"I agree."

They had just started for the stairs when something caught Sanji's eye. He looked up.

A low, mighty sound reverberated from the depths of the cook's chest, coming out as a heavy "OH." He dropped his arms to his sides and fell to his knees, staring up at the sky with the face of one who had just looked into the eyes of God. He brought his hands together in prayer.

"Hm?" Brooke questioned, following Sanji's gaze.

"EH!"

xx

"That sphere of lights must have somehow cast her image into the sky!" exclaimed Franky, gaping back and forth between the sky and the sphere.

"Nami!" Robin shouted as she reached the speechless, now timid navigator and grabbed her shoulders. Nami's face was as red as an apple. She stared at the image in the sky, her lips quivering.

"A-And that projection…! It's huge!" Franky went on, "It looks like it goes all the way into space! Something that big…It's got to be visible halfway around the world!"

"Ahhh…Ahhhhhhh…!" Nami whimpered, a tear leaving her eye. She abruptly turned on her heel and tore herself from Robin's grasp, stumbling across the ship to the women's quarters, throwing the door open, and running inside.

"Nami! What's wrong!?" Luffy shouted after her.

"We have to find a way to make it stop projecting!" Robin exclaimed.

"I'll do it." Zoro declared, unsheathing and pulling back his sword. In a moment, a blade of light was flying from the swordsman's katana. The blade passed through the sphere without effect, though a momentary flash of light appeared and then disappeared in the sky. Nami's projection remained.

"That's not going to work…!" Robin shouted. "But there has to be another way!"

Luffy looked at the sky menacingly. "So that's what's making Nami sad!?"

Usopp suddenly stumbled up onto the helm, panting. Streams of blood were pouring down his legs from his hind quarters, which now had red sores all over them from the syringes he had just pulled out. The sniper was grinding his teeth and glaring between the sky and the rest of the crew.

"What the hell is that!?" he snapped, pointing up while leaning against a cabin wall to support himself. "I told you I couldn't take any more excitement! I said it! I'm about to bleed to death! Are you all trying to kill me!?"

"I've got it!" Franky proclaimed, ignoring Usopp and heading towards the sphere. "_I'll_ go into it and then girly's image will be replaced with mine! This is perfect! Now the whole world will bear witness to the true pride of the Exposed Lions!"

"Ohhhhh!" Chopper hollered, impressed.

Just before Franky reached the sphere, Luffy pushed him out of the way.

"No! I'll do it! If that's what's making Nami sad then I need to get rid of it!" the captain declared with a snarl, stomping up into the lights.

"Ah-Hey! No fair!"

The lights lit up again when Luffy reached their center, and just like before, the surrounding crew members were all momentarily blinded.

A few seconds later, as the light diminished, Chopper shouted,

"D-Did it work!?"

"…No." Zoro answered plainly as he caught first sight of the result.

"…Eh…" Robin muttered with a tone of nervousness as her vision cleared up enough for her to see the new image as well.

"Ghhhrrrrrgh!" Usopp growled in contempt as he stared at the sky and fought his anus's attempts to leak more blood. "WHAT ARE YOU IDIOTS DOING!?"

Franky raised an eye brow at the new projection. "…This isn't quite what I was imagining…"

Replacing the previous projection of Nami was now a projection of both Nami and Luffy, their nude bodies moving against one another and rotating in the wide expanse of the sky.

Luffy dizzily blundered out of the sphere, rubbing his eyes as they recovered from the flash.

"What happened!? Is Nami out of the sky now!?"

"NO YOU DOLT!" Usopp bellowed, limping up to Luffy and smashing him over the head. "YOU JUST MADE THINGS WORSE!"

"A-Are Luffy and Nami mating!?" Chopper exclaimed, staring at the new image in wonder.

Zoro started walking away. "I've had enough of this. I'm taking a nap."

"LUFFY!" came Sanji's roar. "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING TO NAMI-SAN!?"

The enraged cook stampeded past Zoro toward Luffy, infuriated at having his religious experience destroyed by this horrifying new scene in the heavens.

Brooke hopped up behind him, two stripes of red dribbling down his skull and chest bones from his nasal cavity.

"May I ask what is happening?" the skeleton inquired. Before he could get an answer, he began to wobble and reached out to the railing to hold himself up. "Oh my! I seem to have lost too much blood! YOHOHO!"

Sanji leapt through the air and kicked Luffy in the face. The captain fell back with a yelp and rolled a ways down the deck, then yelped again and dived out of the way of another one of Sanji's bombardments as the fuming cook pursued him.

"I've lived a long time, but I've never seen anything so…otherworldly! And arousing!" Brooke remarked, leaning back against the rail as he gazed up in awe. "Could this be a dream…?"

Franky began making his way back towards the lights. "It's no dream! Those lights show whatever is in them to the whole world! And now it's time for FRANKY to enter the scene!"

The cyborg pounced at the sphere and was about to reach it when Robin made two of her arms sprout around his legs, tripping him. For good measure, she stopped Sanji as well, sprouting an arm around his legs and back and sending him face down into the deck.

"Anyone else entering those lights will only make things worse." She stated. "The projections will probably fade eventually…All we can do now is wait for that to happen!"

Brooke scratched his afro contemplatively as he continued to look up. "…I-In any case, it appears the legend surrounding this cyclone was true after all…Anyone who reaches the center…will certainly become famous throughout the world!"

xxxxxxxxxx

East Blue – Kokoyashi Village

xxxxxxxxxx

"Nami-chan…! It's Na-chan!"

"She's in the sky!"

"And she's naked!"

The villagers of Kokoyashi stood outside their homes, staring up in disbelief at the enormous image of their friend floating above the clouds. A scarred, moustached man ran through the streets, pushing people back into their houses and yelling at them.

"Get back in your houses! All of you!" ordered Genzo furiously. "Stop looking! You there! Stop looking! You too!"

The old man clasped his hands over his head, not knowing what to do.

"Gen-san!" Nojiko exclaimed, running up to him. "W-What's going on!? Why is Nami in the sky!?"

"I DON'T KNOW!" he bellowed, sweat pouring down his face. "But…! But! This is terrible! This is a disaster! Such a scandalous image…! WHY IS SHE NAKED!?"

"AH! It changed!" a villager boomed, pointing upward.

"AHHHHHH!" Genzo roared, biting the tip of his lip off as he saw the sky image's new addition. "THAT BRAT! WHAT IS HE DOING TO NAMI!?"

"Eh…!?" Nojiko gasped, staring up as well. "A-Are they…!?"

The island erupted in shouts and gasps, people all over rushing into the streets to view the erotic spectacle. Genzo bounded for the prairie.

"Where are you going!?" shouted Nojiko, running after him.

"OFF TO SEA!" Genzo declared. "I'M GOING TO KILL THOSE PIRATES!"

xxxxxxxxxx

Fuchsia Village

xxxxxxxxxx

"Uwah! It's Luffy!" shouted a villager.

"Why's he in the sky!?"

"Why is he naked!?"

"He's got a girl friend!"

"Way to go Luffy!

"KANPAI!"

xxxxxxxxxx

Grand Line - Alabasta

xxxxxxxxxx

"Vivi-sama! Wait! Don't come out!" Igaram pleaded as Vivi came running towards the castle balcony. "This is no sight for the eyes of a princess!"

"I heard someone say 'Straw Hat'!" Vivi exclaimed. "Are they here?"

She reached the balcony and quickly looked around. "Where are th-"

The princess stopped mid sentence as she caught sight of the moving forms above her.

"Wha…!" she gasped as she looked up, blushing. "N-Nami-san!? Luffy-san…!?"

King Cobra ran up behind her. "What's going –AHH!"

The king's feet left the floor and he fell onto his back, blood squirting out his nose.

"The entire kingdom must be able to see this!" Igaram bellowed as he covered Vivi's eyes. "What are those pirates doing…!?"

xxxxxxxxxx

Marine Headquarters

xxxxxxxxxx

The emergency alarm was sounding throughout Marineford as panic broke out across the island. Men were staring at the sky, mesmerized. Some marines were being called to their stations to prepare for battle. Citizens were ordered to stay in their homes, but most ignored the order and crowded the streets to get a better view.

"What the hell is that!?" roared a captain.

"It's obscene!"

"Are they having sex!?"

"It's not just here! Reports of that foul image in the sky are coming in from all over the world!"

"Pirates! They're pirates! It's the Straw Hat pirates!"

A Vice Admiral slammed his fist into a wall, glaring at the sky. "God damn pirates…! Showing us such a heinous sight!!"

"Bwah!" hollered Garp as he looked out a window. "L-Luffy's really going at it!!"

"Damn you Garp…!" Sengoku seethed from behind him, his eye twitching. "That brat's past offenses were one thing, but this…! Is this how you raised your grandson!? Do you have any idea what kind of effect this filthy display will have on the world!?"

"…A-Am I going to be a great grandfather soon…?"

"GARP!

Down at the plaza, Admiral Akainu was rallying up a mass of marines.

"We can't let this sickening display of unrighteousness go unpunished!" The Admiral boomed. "According to our history records, the only place from which this wicked act could have been executed is the Summer Island Cyclone! Send a fleet there immediately! Leave none of them alive! In the name of unyielding justice!"

"YES SIR!"

xxxxxxxxxx

Robin slowly approached Nami in the women's quarters for the fifth time that day. The navigator was curled up in a corner of the room, staring blankly at the wall.

"Nami…" Robin said comfortingly, kneeling down next to her.

It was getting late into the evening now and Nami hadn't yet said a word or moved from her spot. The men were gathered around the door, a few of them looking in.

"It seems she's really upset." Franky commented, scratching his head.

"My ass hurts." Usopp commented, scratching his ass.

Sanji scoffed at Usopp. "Can't you take a second to think beyond your own sullen self! Nami-san is suffering and it's our fault!"

"I didn't do anything." Usopp growled. "I haven't done anything all day but get abused and tortured by all of you."

The sniper glanced down at Sanji, who was lying face-down on his stomach.

"You're the one who got a broken back for molesting Robin."

When Robin tied up Sanji with her ability earlier that day, she had apparently let a little of her anger out and applied more force than was necessary. Sanji's old back wound from Drum Island got reinjured and he had to spend the rest of the day crawling around on his stomach.

"I hope Nami gets better soon…" Chopper said worriedly.

"That thing's still in the sky." Zoro tiredly pointed out, focusing his crew's attention up again.

Now that it was darker, the provocative, moving image of Luffy and Nami was clearer than ever. Their joined figures glowed amongst the stars. Luffy watched it for a few seconds, frowning.

"…Okay. I'm going to cheer Nami up." The captain suddenly announced, facing back into the room. He started walking in.

"Ah-! Hey, Luffy, what are you doing!?" Sanji snapped, trying to grab Luffy's leg to stop him but finding it too difficult to do from his position.

Robin, who still hadn't managed to get anything out of Nami, noticed Luffy walking in.

"Luffy...?"

Luffy walked up next to Nami and sat down.

"Nami." He began, breathing a heavy sigh. "I've decided. We're not going to be naked anymore."

Nami didn't say anything, but Luffy nodded to himself with a "Hm." and continued.

"Also, from now on…"

Luffy creased his faced as he apparently fought with himself to form the words for his next statement.

"…from now on…I'll give you all my food every night at dinner."

Luffy crossed his arms over his chest and thought for a second about what to say next.

"…And…And also, when you guys are all wearing clothes again, I'll still stay naked wherever we go so people will forget that you were naked."

Nami moved a little.

Luffy took on a deep frown for a moment, then nodded again and said what he had been mainly planning to say.

"And I won't ask you to marry me anymore. Since it makes you mad."

Luffy's face fell again and he looked down. His expression started to turn exaggeratedly sad.

"Even though I love you, it's not like getting married is the only fun thing to do…" he said in a slightly wavering voice, "Instead of getting married, I can…stand in the wind…or kick rocks on a beach…or…lay in the mud…" Luffy's voice dropped to a mumble, and it started to seem like he was talking to himself more than to anyone else. It also seemed that he had forgotten what other fun things there actually were in life.

"…Anyway, you should be happy! So think about the things I said and feel better." He finished in his best mock-intelligent voice. He took off his hat and put it on Nami's head just as she began to turn.

"You can wear this." He said, standing up and nodding. "Until you feel better."

He turned around and headed towards the door. Nami finally turned to look at him, lifting the rim of the hat up a bit.

"…Luffy…" she said.

Too lost in his own sorrow, Luffy didn't hear her and kept walking.

"LUFFY!" Nami repeated in a bellow.

"WAH!" Luffy hollered, jumping around.

Nami sat up straighter and stared at him for a moment, then she rose to her feet.

"…I never said I wouldn't marry you." She stated.

"Wha…" came Sanji's mutter from the background.

Luffy's face immediately lit up, though he tried to keep his emotion under control, resulting in a ridiculous expression consisting of despairingly sad eyes and a smile stretching from cheek to cheek. Nami narrowed her eyes at him.

"…But that doesn't have anything to do with this situation!" she snapped. "Why are you making me think about you and feel bad…!? I'm the one whose naked body is floating up in the sky for the whole world to see!"

"Oh! I went into those lights after you so now I'm up there too!" Luffy declared happily.

"What?" Nami questioned, hastily stomping through the room and out the door. When she got outside, she looked up.

"See!" Luffy exclaimed. "Everything's better now."

Usopp grumbled. "Idiot."

Nami stared at the continent-sized projections of her and Luffy for a few seconds. The way they moved together in the sky made it seem like they were nuzzling foreheads. Luffy's hand was also slowly moving over Nami's breasts.

"What…" Nami breathed, slowly lowering her head back down to look at Luffy.

"WHAT IS THAT!?"

xx

To Be Continued.


End file.
